Shifting Gears

Yesterday my teenaged son and I had a long chat. I needed to let him know that I was feeling less than confident that he has been upholding his part of the agreement about how often he can use the computer. Heavy sigh. The world of technology meets the world of parents who are still trying to guide their children in a balanced way. Does anyone else out there find the whole techno-world to be consuming? Any tips on how you best manage this with your teenagers?

It brings to mind biking. Hmm... you must be wondering where I am going with that one! When you are touring, you need to constantly assess the need for shifting gears. It can become second nature at times, but at other times you realize you just shifted wrong and you are now climbing a mountain with a loaded bike and your legs suddenly start to feel like they are pushing cement pedals. Shifting back into the right gear is not always easy, and sometimes just does not go well. Does this sound at all like parenting?! I told Kristofer that I know I do not have all the answers on this topic of computer use, but what I do know is that I am determined to help guide him in finding healthy ways to use his time, his potential, and his skills. So for now, we will keep up our attempt to figure out what gear we need to be in as we climb this mountain. I have lots of faith in both of us, and know that we won't stop pedaling until we get where we need to be.

Vacation destination

I find myself thinking about how special it really is to find a true friend, and to be be able to keep and nurture that relationship over the years and miles when you do not live near each other. My soul-mate friend, Elena, was here to pick up her son after he had been visiting us for a few days. The week started with me driving out to her place with the kids for a few days, then bringing her son back here. Lots of miles on the Mass. Pike but well worth it! One of the greatest joys for Elena & I is watching our two teenaged boys continue to develop as friends. They met in kindergarten 10 years ago, but after a few years their family moved south and then back north to the Boston area. Those miles, particularly for children, can unravel a friendship, despite the best intentions.

Kristofer and David have been able to see each other twice a year on average, and each time we marvel at the way they pick up so comfortably with each other. There seems to be a safe place residing within each of them, where the other knows they can be totally at ease. As a parent, it is so reassuring to see your child find such a place. Don't we all want and need that in our lives? In that place, I know my son is learning to expose his thoughts and feelings with someone who can handle them with respect, love and care. I call that a great school vacation destination!

Imagine Being A Nobody

Saturday night, we had the pleasure of doing some moonlit cross country skiing and snowshoeing over at Wilton Wildlife Preserve. What a perfect evening! Old friends met us there and we were able to catch up and get some unique nighttime exercise. The other mom & I were snowshoeing along the candlelit trails and wandered upon the topic of adolescence ( we both have a few!). She told me about a recent comment she made to her son, regarding a new student who was struggling to integrate into his new school.
"Imagine if you were a nobody." Wow. That comment struck me right in my heart. Instantly I was transported back to those high school years when so much of what matters to you stems from the relationships with other kids. My mom friend was attempting to get her son to have some empathy for the boy and his challenges as a new student. It was a direct hit. Most teens do not want to be a nobody...they want to be somebody and will spend most of their energy trying to accomplish just that. There are a few who would rather hide under the radar screen, but most are busy sorting through the minefield of adolescent issues, attempting to become. Let's face it, that work continues well beyond the teen years. None of us really want to be a nobody. It was a powerful reminder of the mammoth developmental task that faces our children each day. Our job is to help them realize they are somebody special and guide them in getting to know themselves well, regardless of the clothes they wear, how popular they are or any of the other indicators that teens so often like to use. I will have to thank my friend for bringing me back so poignantly to my own teenage struggles to be someone.

Don't Judge A Book By Its Cover

Yesterday I was at the home of a mom friend who has little ones, and their toys immediately brought back the memories of my own children as toddlers. An all-time favorite of Kristofer's was the Thomas the Tank Engine train series. My entire extended family became familiar with "thomas and friends". A cute little song stuck in my mind back then, and came ringing clear yesterday as well: Don't Judge a Book by Its Cover. That single Thomas video episode and accompanying song provided my husband and me with numerous teachable moments!

How funny that the simple lessons we try to teach our children can also sometimes either escape us as adults, or can level us quickly! There is a great challenge in attempting to not judge a person or situation by its "cover". Everyone has their own story line unfolding each moment, each day. I think I may go dig out that Thomas video from the basement...