Walking in the Wilderness

"The stillness that pervades the wilderness flowed gently around me"

This lovely quote comes from a book we own about hiking the Appalachian Trail, entitled "Sojourn in the Wilderness" by Kenneth Wadness. It came to mind tonight after I had said goodnight to my 13 year old son. What any mother of a 13 year old will tell you is "there is no gentle or still quality about adolescence!". Instead, what a parent might connect with, is the idea of "wilderness". Hmm....

Tonight I found myself compelled to mention to my son the fact that moms don't really enjoy the process of letting go of their firstborn! I told him that while I clearly recalled pushing my own mom away, many years later I could see what a great mom I had. ( By the way, he readily agreed with me, as he thinks his grandmother is awesome. ) "How could I push her away?" he wondered aloud. We found ourselves on one of these little "walks in the wilderness" as I have come to think of them. You know, the conversations where neither one of us is quite sure what lies ahead, and yet we continue to walk on.

The struggles, the experience of peace and wonder as one hikes through nature...these are all common themes I am discovering as I venture out on this new, uncharted journey with my children. What to bring? How much weight can I carry? How to best chart the course?

As I said goodnight to my son, I realized that some of that "gentle stillness" was right there for us. As silent tears slipped down my cheeks, I was thankful for the moment we had shared. It reminded me that there are often beautiful surprises hidden in the wilderness, waiting to be seen and heard by those willing to take a walk.

Rock, Paper, Scissors...Shoot!

Who out there remembers that old childhood hand game - Rock, Paper, Scissors, Shoot? It was a famously relied-upon method of solving all sorts of problems...helping us through difficult childhood logjams like who goes first. Is it coming back to you now? Hands behind the back, one two three, put out your fingers in one of the assorted designs as an indicator of your choice. Sometimes you would have to go at it for quite some time until the situation was resolved.

Wouldn't it be great if we could just pull that out and use it when we have to make some of the choices we are faced with? If my memory serves me, I seem to recall that there was an unspoken rule that this was a totally fair way to designate a winner, or to move you beyond that really sticky point. Think about all the choices we make every day. Some are so natural to us that we aren't even aware of the decision being made. Others, well... flip a coin? rock, paper...

We are inundated with so many choices in our current society that at times, we can feel paralized. A recent one for me was what to do about work. Another involved educational choices about my children. And even another was what the heck do I put in the school lunches for the umpteeumth time! Okay, while we're at it, how about which candy to buy for the trick or treaters? Choices come in all sizes - small, medium, and large. You can even get them supersized these days!

By now, you know I have two early adolescents in my life. You can imagine that choices and decision making is top of mind around here. Really makes a mom think hard about the choices that have been, those that are, and those to come. I better be on my toes: my kids are just coming off several years of practicing (rock, paper, scissors)! They're not missing a trick.

Go into the cave, grab the gold...

Yesterday my daughter, Em, and I spent a few wonderful hours with some of our friends. A group of us had decided to take on a knitting project called "Caps to the Capitol". We will be knitting infant caps for babies in underdeveloped countries as part of a larger "Save the Children" campaign.

So picture this...four 11 year old girls, all pretty adept at knitting. Add in three moms with varying degrees of handwork expertise and a plenty of good humor. We gathered around the living room with our yarn, needles and of course, snacks! To start us off on a high note, my good friend, Dotty, said she would help me cast on the stitches. Now, what you need to know is that I consider myself pretty capable in many areas. Handwork, however, is not my strong point! Dotty and I spent what had to be almost 30 minutes getting my stitches on the needle. We were laughing so hard we were crying.

"Into the cave, grab the gold, and go back out", I heard the girls chime in as they sat and watched these grown women- moms struggling with the process. "I'm in the cave,", I replied,
"but it's dark in here!". More laughter from us. Finally, I got it. My friend is a patient teacher.

I realized that evening, when reflecting on the good time we had, what a bonus it was for me to be so learning challenged with this simple process! I had caught a glimpse of my daughter and her friends laughing at us, and with us. How great is that, for them to experience this sense of their mothers trying something new and plodding along til they got it right! Talk about going into a cave!

Yesterday, I was able to grab the gold. I grabbed yet another treasure of a memory to tuck away in my heart. Being with my daughter and her terrific friends, being with my amazing friends and moms to these girls....and trying my hand at something that does not come easily to me. Sticking with it and being able to laugh along the way. Being thankful for spending time in a way that has a lasting impact. Now that's what I call gold.